Subject: Self-introduction
Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Sammy Chew Yong Jie and I am writing to you to introduce myself to you as a student in your class, SIE2016-Effective Communication-T5. I am a graduate from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a diploma in marine & offshore technology. My interest in sustainable development of the future has brought me to Singapore Institute of Technology's (SIT) offered course, Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building Services).
Just to share more about myself, I love exploring new places and looking at new scenery. Every time I go to a location, old or new, if I had the time, I would aimlessly walk about and take routes I never had before just to get a fresh and new perspective of an area. One of the most enjoyable things I like to look at is architecture, especially in Singapore's city area where there is a mixture of modern and colonial architecture designs. The engineering behind to make such buildings such as being able to bear weight and their organized directions has always fascinated me and is probably why I chose to enroll into this course.
My goal for this module is to refine and strengthen my use and command of the English language. For most of my life, my proficiency in the language has only been sharpened through verbal communication without any proper knowledge about grammar items and sentence structures. As a result, I sometimes have trouble with grammar, punctuation and sentence structures. I hope that through this class, I will be able to have a better grasp on the language.
In terms of strengths, I tend to enjoy writing descriptive and reading up on definitions. I guess that this is why I also tend to explain things in greater detail. However, it can also take me quite long to explain something through writing as I will run through my explanations over and over again just to ensure that what what is written is accurately conveyed. I hope that through your class, I can be more confident in my own proficiency of the language as well.
I am a strong believer in learning through application and therefore look forward to your future lessons so that I can further refine my communication skills with the help of your guidance.
Best Regards,
Sammy Chew
*Edited on 24/09/19
Commented on:
How Wei
Alicia
Yuan Kai
*Edited on 24/09/19
Commented on:
How Wei
Alicia
Yuan Kai
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Sammy,
ReplyDeletePersonally, I feel that the content is clear and concise. However, there are some points that I would like to highlight to you.
1. My goal for your module is to refine and strengthen my use and command of the English language.
Perhaps, you could change to "My goal for this module is to refine and strengthen my command of English language."
2. In terms of strengths, I tend to enjoy descriptive writing and reading up on definitions
Since the first example you wrote "enjoy descriptive", you should continue the second example with a verb. Therefore, reading should change to read instead.
These are some suggestions that I think you can improve on, but pardon me as I may not be correct.
Thanks for the comment!
DeleteHi Sammy! I liked how you relate your hobby to engineering, it is interesting! I can feel the sincerity of who you truly are. These are some points that I think you can improve on.
ReplyDelete- “My interest in the sustainable development of the future has brought me to the Singapore Institute of Technology's (SIT)”
(I feel that the word “the” is unnecessary and used excessively like “the sustainable development” and “brought me to the SIT”)
-"Every time I went to a location"
(As every time is a time word which is in the present tense, “go vs. went”)
-"proper knowledge or terms used in the language"
(Unsure of what does this sentence means, what do you mean by “proper”? What kind of terms? Perhaps, you might want to paraphrase the sentence structure :)
-"ensure that what I want to say is fully conveyed"
(I think the phrase “what I want to say” is more like a spoken English than a written English)
All in all, great writing!
Thanks for the comment!
DeleteDear Sammy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this very well-developed and informative letter. Like Tiara mentioned, you’ve a clear indication of your sincerity in this letter, and you've provided enough concrete detail that we readers learn something significant about your background and your interests. For example, you mention the way your love for exploring and your curiosity connect to your interest in architecture and your current study of engineering. That in-depth explanation adds much to your letter’s content, tells us a lot about who you are, and shows that you’re making clear connections between your experience and developing ideas. This is the foundation of critical reflection.
I also appreciate the detail you provide in terms of your communication strengths and weaknesses. You even mention your language use, which your readers have also addressed. Now it's your job to look at these comments and to see which is most helpful for your next draft. One thing I'd suggest is moving the last sentence of paragraph #2 to the start of parapgraph #3, since currently it looks misplaced.
I look forward to reading more of your writing.
Cheers,
Brad
Thanks for the comment!
Delete